WORDS // MIZZIEL SERRA

This is going to be one of the most difficult blogs I’ve ever written. Even though it’s been over a month since Annette’s passing, everything still feels so…unreal. For the longest time I haven’t been able to fully come to terms with what happened, so writing about it is necessary.  It’s kind of odd, because she was my blogging partner in crime and normally, we would proofread each other’s work. She was an excellent writer who spoke wise and insightful words as well as a highly influential rider who rode her motorcycle every day, and she was always so eager to polish her riding skills.

MEETING ANNETTE

In 2013, Young Lee, owner of the M1GP series asked me if wanted to model as an umbrella girl for their upcoming 24-hour endurance race. I agreed and he informed me that the other umbrella girl working the event also rode motorcycles and was actually participating in the race that weekend. He showed me photos of Annette and I was thoroughly impressed as I thought to myself, “Dammmmn this chick is gorgeous! AND she rides?! Gotta get it in and seal the deal.” LOL I didn’t know many female riders at the time so Annette was literally a unicorn- beautiful, mysterious and rare.

I distinctly recall pulling up to the event and there she was… this petite, gorgeous girl with a banging body, taking photos with the racers. She was shining as bright as the stars!  

As Annette and I got to talking, we discovered that we actually shared quite a bit in common. We bonded over our love for riding, modeling and fitness which led to sharing experiences of daily commuting on a motorcycle and our excitement from when we were both official MotoGP Umbrella Girls.

I looked up to Annette in a lot of ways, because she was like the older sister I’ve always wanted. Of course we inevitably bumped heads here and there, but it was for good reason. We had two completely different personalities, but when you put opposing personalities together, that creates a recipe for the perfect learning experience. Often times, people mistook her shyness as “stuck up” when in fact, she was actually the most down-to-earth and sweetest person who had a heart of gold. In essence, she was an introvert while I’m an extrovert. We complemented each other harmoniously.

With that in mind, I always had so much energy which would occasionally be a bit overwhelming for her. Annette’s introverted ways taught me how to keep calm and “Carrion” during certain situations. I learned to tone things down while she learned to become more outgoing and personable. On my birthday this year, she wrote a sweet message saying, “…over the years, she’s been able to take me out of ‘My-Shell.’”

FORMING REDLINE RAVENS

There was an instant connection over motorcycles, crop tops and modeling the very first day we met and thus, the tiny Redline Raven seed was planted. As time passed, that seed grew and finally sprouted when Annette and I had a second fateful encounter during an all-female Motorcycle ride in Orange County.

It was then that the two of us decided to come up with a female motorcycle team. We discussed our aligning goals to promote the sport to share our passion with others while living life to the fullest and having fun embracing our femininity. I suggested that we add one more member to the group, and after thoughtful consideration, we agreed that Keerati would be the perfect addition to our team. Our little Redline Raven seed began to grow bigger and stronger as we watched it blossom into something that was completely unexpected. Our trio had the perfect chemistry, and together we accomplished great things.

Since then Annette, Kee and I have had a whirlwind of ups and downs. We reached many of our goals, but we struggled to find balance. We laughed…A LOT, but we also cried.  We hustled hard even though 2017 was profoundly crazy to say the least. So far, 2018 has been up to par with the craziness but with everything that’s happened, we were really able to toughen our skin and continue to push forward. We discovered that it’s best to drop a knee and ride through whatever curves life presents us with.

HOW I FOUND OUT

On March 31, 2018 I woke up to notifications going off relentlessly on my phone. My social media notifications are set to silent, but I leave instagram comments on our @redlineravens page active so that I can help reply to people. I was in Thailand that day and with the time zone difference, it was actually the morning of April 1st. The notifications kept saying “sorry for your loss” or “RIP” on our latest post, which was actually a photo of me and the Ducati V4 I rode on track in the Philippines.

I thought people were making a sick April Fools joke insinuating that since I’ve been gone for so long, it was like I was practically dead or something. At that time, I’d been traveling for 2 ½ months and in my still groggy, sleepy state I brushed it off… but for some reason, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had this uneasy feeling inside. Why would anyone make a terrible joke about something like this? I glanced back at my phone as more notifications started popping up with more consoling messages. I jumped up, fully alert with a racing heartbeat as I unlocked my phone with shaky fingers to do more research.

At this point, I’d read through enough comments to understand that Annette was the one being referenced with all of the “RIP” messages. It didn’t take long for me to realize what was going on, but I just wouldn’t believe it. Not Annette. She was one of the safest riders I knew and certainly the safest rider between us Ravens. I called Kee right away and once she answered the phone, my heart dropped. At first, I was completely in denial telling her that it had to be some horrible joke, but based on Kee’s tone, I knew it was true. It just didn’t make any sense. Annette rode Ortega almost every weekend and crashed on her favorite turn. It was too unbelievable, especially with both of her parent’s recent deaths. I started crying on the phone, speechless. I was gutted and at a loss for words. Kee and I couldn’t really say much else to each other at the time and so we kept the phone call short. We were both in complete and utter shock.

HOW WE’RE COPING

Finding out about the incident while I was so far away in Thailand was a dreadful and lonely experience. I’m guilty of holding in certain emotions because I hate crying, but I randomly burst out into tears as strangers curiously glanced over.  It was so strange and depressing to be far away from my friends and family back home… so strange that I had already been gone for two and a half months. I felt even more disconnected from everyone than I’d ever felt before. It was like I was watching a horror film with all of my friends in it. I couldn’t help but feel so helpless, being as far away as I was. It pained me even more to think that the last words Annette wrote to me on Instagram were, “Miss you more! Come back already.” The day I found out, I immediately made arrangements to come back home.

Some days, I’ve successfully turned off my emotions and find myself feeling like a robot. Other days, it’s just easier to focus on anything and everything positive. I’m usually always looking for ways to get out of a negative space as fast as possible, so I’m constantly practicing positive thinking. There are even times when it feels as though she’s just on an extended vacation in a far off place. I’ve been in denial, but being in denial is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle at the moment.

Then randomly, reality hits and a wave of shock comes crashing down on me again. The entire motorcycle community is shook from this and the reality of it still hasn’t fully settled in yet, but life must go on. We have to keep moving,  adapting and evolving.

The day of her funeral, I was so overwhelmed. I had literally just flown in from Thailand that very morning with zero sleep and was still processing the fact that I was at Annette’s funeral. I was so nervous to see her. Seeing her for the first time after the incident was an uncanny experience. Oddly enough, it didn’t feel like her. I felt like the Annette we all knew and loved was no longer in her body. It just proves the notion that at the very core of it all, we as human beings connect with each other’s souls.  It’s what we come to truly love and appreciate about a person. Our bodies are just an outer shell, a vessel for our soul until it moves on. Annette had such a pure and genuine soul. It was one of the reasons why I admired her so much.

Throughout the entire funeral, I did my best to keep composure. I was still very much in the denial stage. I wanted so badly to come up there and speak after her siblings and boyfriend poured out their love for her, but I just couldn’t find the strength nor could I even put any sensible words together. This whole thing has left me speechless for the longest time, but writing helps. I encourage others to do the same if they find themselves in a similar situation.

I understand that we all need to grieve, but everyone goes through a different grieving process. Unfortunately, certain people have this expectation of how others should grieve. Of the thousands of individuals who offered consoling messages and loving gestures, there were a couple who messaged me asking if I even missed Annette. They mentioned that I “sounded happy” in my social media posts, considering the circumstances. It’s like they want to see us crying and feeling miserable or something and although that might actually happen behind closed doors, that’s not something I would personally share on the internet.

Let me just remind everyone that people only post the good stuff on social media the majority of the time. Her passing shook everyone in an intensely different way and it’s a shame if someone can’t accept how I or anyone else mourns. Admittedly, those aforementioned messages did hurt me. I shouldn’t let it get to me like that, but this whole thing has left me feeling extremely vulnerable. Annette was like my sister. She was one of my best friends. We’ve been through so much together in the five years that we’ve known each other. I loved how she was so down to do fun and adventurous things with me. She would always be down for long distance rides, sometimes through rough weather situations and even enjoyed moto camping when her work schedule allowed for it. She was a true rider who genuinely enjoyed riding motorcycles every day, anywhere and everywhere. That’s hard to find.

When we decided to become the Redline Ravens, we accepted the fact that our lives would be made public, exposing us to all kinds of judgement. Because Kee and I were some of her best friends, we know she’d never want to see her loved ones feeling depressed. She’d want us to continue laughing the way we always do and to keep Redline Ravens going stronger than ever before.

SO THE BIG QUESTION PEOPLE ASK:

“Are we ever going to add another Redline Raven?”

Well, the answer is simple. Annette in addition to the perfect dynamic we shared can never be replaced. That doesn’t mean the end of the Redline Ravens. Kee and I just have to begin to write a new chapter. We’ve reached a crossroads and it’s time to decide how we want to continue growing.  All of Annette’s hard work in helping to build Redline Ravens to where we are now is and always will be irreplaceably invaluable. She helped lay down the foundation and because it was primarily built under strong conditions, Kee and I will be able to continue building it up. Together the three of us created a legacy, but now Kee and I will continue that legacy for as long as possible, even if we have to take a slightly different path.

I want to thank you all so much for believing in Redline Ravens. You are the ones who inspire and encourage us to keep pushing forward… to never quit. Annette loved and appreciated you all just as much as Kee and I both do. We constantly discussed how everyone who supports us truly helps us get through the harder days just by reading your thoughtful comments. We wholeheartedly feel the love and hope to reciprocate all of that by tenfold in whatever way we can. Seeing how much support you all gave Annette’s loved ones during this devastating time, including me and Kee was incredibly uplifting.  Thank you for consistently reminding us of how astoundingly beautiful this part of the motorcycle passion we commonly share can truly be. Remember to always Love More, Ride More friends and family.

TO ANNETTE:

Annette, I love you very much. You lived a fulfilled life and were able to find the love of your life- Jimmy. You were enriched with countless blessings and were continuously surrounded by loving family and friends. We’ll always be a team. You were always so down to do crazy things with me. Even through tough times, we kept riding, loving and appreciating life. I know you really wanted to see the Redline Ravens do great things and to keep inspiring, but you did your part. In fact, you over-achieved and made such an extraordinary impact on so many people worldwide. If only you could see how many people’s lives you touched, including my own…you would never believe it.

Thank you for all of the valuable lessons you taught me throughout the years. You were always so full of wisdom and good insight. You gave both me and Kee helpful advice and calmed our crazy asses down whenever it was necessary. Thank you for all of the beautiful memories we shared together. I’ll miss our hilarious group chats, which often made my day. The Redline Ravens chat was always on fire and out of control lolol. I will always remember our sleepovers, fun rides and spa days together… cooking for each other, eating tons of delicious food, partying (you were the best drinking buddy!), laughing hard, crying, getting into healthy debates that made us grow for the better, getting tattoos and our nails done together, and having countless deep, meaningful conversations.

We protected each other in times of need. I know you’ll continue to provide that loving protection as you now watch over us. I think of you every single day and every time I get on my bike. I will always miss you, beautiful angel. May you ride in paradise and rest easy with your parents.

Redline Ravens won’t be the same without you, but Kee and I will continue to carry the weight and inspire others as much as we can. We got you, girl… always and forever.

Love,

Mizziel